Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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