awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
