I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
