This is not my ceiling
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize