What a fucking waste of an outfit
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
