Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
