I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am one with the molecules
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
