And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
