It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The beers last night were like the tears from god
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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