Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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