While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
