Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
