There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
