Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
