She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
