apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
