I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
