Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
