what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
please come you make the beer taste better
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize