But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
