haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
