His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
