I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This is classic penis vs brain.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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