omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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