Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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