i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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