I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
