I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
