he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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