Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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