hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
