Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize