Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Dicks are not precious.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I forget how to act sober
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
