i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you inspire me to be a worse person
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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