u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
