So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
