that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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