i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
