sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
