So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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