That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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