Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
