Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
