my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He has the fingertips of a God
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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