I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
