since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
