I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
