Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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