I accidentally burped into my bong.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
