remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
