just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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