So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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