so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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