mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
