just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
