I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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