im six kinds of drunk right now
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
