I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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