smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My nipple is on Facebook.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
