Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
