I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
