the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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