After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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