the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
