im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
