dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
