I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
