Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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