And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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