Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
