no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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