but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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