There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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