so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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