Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
