I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
